Seeking Relationships (by Cathe Laurie)

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17 NIV).

How to Find the Perfect Someone

Off and on I’ve been asked the question, “How do I find a spouse, or even just a friend who lives up to my high standards? Somebody faithful and God-fearing, somebody who will like me for me, make me laugh, and—oh, the dream—offers to take the trash out without being asked?”

I say, picture your perfect lover, or imagine that high-value group of friends you’re after. Now ask yourself, what kind of relationships are they looking for? How do they spend their time? What kind of person would make their lives better?

Now, go and become that person.

Be the Person You Want to Have

Want a spouse or friend who’s authentic and faithful? Start cultivating authenticity and faithfulness in your own life. Want someone kind and generous? Practice kindness and generosity. Want someone who will take out the trash without being asked? Work on serving others without question, going above and beyond for the people around you.

As Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (NIV). You attract what you are sharpening yourself to be. Stop searching high and low for some mature, confident, witty, virtuous superhero to waltz into your life. Instead, use that same energy to build those very good virtues in yourself.

It’s like Jesus said: “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33 ESV). You focus on doing the work of becoming the best version of yourself for God’s glory, and the rest will fall into place.

Where to Meet People

Of course, you can’t just be practicing these great qualities and then sit on your couch, locked away forever, and expect friends or a spouse to come knocking on your door. I mean, I suppose I can’t question the miracles of God, but you will, most likely, have to step outside of your comfort zone to actually meet people!

One of the best ways I know to connect with good people is to join the serve team at church or take a new class. Stick around for coffee hour after church and talk with people. If you love to hike or ski or go look at flowers, start inviting others who love to do that as well. 

And wouldn’t you know it, the kind of people who do those sorts of things are just the sorts of people you’ve been looking for!

So get out there and live like the person God is shaping you to be. Practice honing those qualities you’re seeking. Be your authentic self as He designed you to be. Take a risk on love. Make yourself vulnerable in friendship. Take on that intimidatingly cool Bible study group at church.

Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness . . . and watch God do the rest.

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Cathe Laurie is the founder and director of the Virtue women’s ministry. She is also a featured speaker on The Virtue Podcast, at Harvest events, and the author of As I See It. You can find her weekly articles here on harvest.org.