Aphesis (by Cathe Laurie)

“Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” (Matthew 18:21 NLT).

Forgiveness Is Part of Starting Anew

It’s a new year, a new start, a new opportunity for a fresh beginning!

But there’s one thing that we tend to hold onto that could prevent us from having that fresh start: unforgiveness.

I know. . . the word “forgiveness” can stir up a lot of emotion. It’s easy to say, “I forgive someone,” and never feel it in your heart. It’s even easier to say, “They don’t deserve my forgiveness. They hurt me too much. What they did was wrong.”

You may be right! But here’s a fun Greek lesson we all desperately need: The word for “divine forgiveness” in the Gospels is aphesis.

The Concept of Aphesis

Aphesis is fierce. It’s about letting go even when you can’t explain, understand, or stomach what’s just happened. It doesn’t mean, “Let’s all sit around rationalizing why Uncle so-and-so talks or lives that way.” (That would be sungnōmē—a much tamer, friendly vibe.) You can still believe what someone did was flat-out wrong (like when someone radically cuts you off on the 91 freeway). But actual love—real communion—comes at the price of letting go.

If someone wrongs you, don’t immediately call them out or give them what you think they deserve for being. . . well, people. Hold back your “putting them in their place” speech long enough for someone else to breathe without choking on your righteousness. Let go of your grudge even if they never apologize or acknowledge their fault. Find the mercy to loosen your grip on your need for closure and being “right.”

The Difficulty of Forgiveness

Is it easy? Oh, good grief, no. God understands that—He truly does. His justice isn’t just an opinion; it’s carved into Heaven’s reality. To be with us at all, He has to hold back His blazing holy nature, to let go of His judgment for the time being.

Forgiveness is like God hitting pause on sending us all to Hell—not because justice isn’t real, but because love is kind and patient, and saving the lost matters more in this moment.

In Matthew’s Gospel, it spells it out: Christ “gave up the ghost” (aphēken—same word) on the cross (see verse 27:50). All the times we messed up and wronged Him—He literally let it all go.

Who are you still holding in your grip of unforgiveness? What wrongs have been done against you that you’ve allowed to hold you in a cycle of anger? When have you failed to hold your tongue?

Remember. . . God saw past it all, and we are called to do the same. Just like Peter’s little math problem in Matthew 18, when he asked Jesus, “How many times do I have to forgive my brother? Seven times?” Jesus replied, “Try again. . . more like seventy times seven!”

Choose Aphesis

Forgiveness doesn’t mean what they did was right. It doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened. But it does mean you have to set yourself aside for a moment and recognize that what matters more is eternity and bringing others closer to God.

So, in this new year, let’s choose aphesis. Let’s forgive fully, without restraint, and let go.

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Cathe Laurie is the founder and director of the Virtue women’s ministry. She is also a featured speaker on The Virtue Podcast, at Harvest events, and the author of As I See It. You can find her weekly articles here on harvest.org.