Chuck Swindoll’s Marriage Advice: How He Turned His Marriage Around

Recently, I had the privilege of sitting down with my friend Chuck Swindoll for a candid podcast. Chuck has spent decades faithfully preaching God’s Word, leading ministries, and helping countless people grow in their faith.

As we talked about life, ministry, and lessons learned over the years, the topic of do-overs came up. What followed was honest and encouraging…

‘We’re Not Partners’—How Chuck Fixed His Marriage

Chuck Swindoll: And I probably would have, earlier on in my marriage, brought Cynthia into my life and made her more of a partner.

 I learned how to do that after I about ruined our marriage, and she said to me one day, we were in New England in a ministry and, oh, it was tough sledding, and she said, “I don’t want you to tell people we’re partners anymore.” 

 We were doing the dishes together and I said- I almost dropped the dish.

I said, “Why?”

 “Well, we’re not.” 

“Yes, we are.” 

“No, no, we’re not.” 

“Yes, we are.” 

“No, we’re not.” 

“Yes, we are.” And she stayed at it. 

And finally, in tears that just burst out of her eyes, she almost screamed, “No, we’re not!” She put the dish rag down and walked upstairs and went into our bedroom and closed the door, and I thought, “Is that finished? We’re not because of me.” 

 Well, Greg, I went upstairs and with tears, I laid down beside her and I said, you’re right. She couldn’t even talk by then. I said, “I have not entered you into my world as much as I could have. I know. I’ve not really presented you as I should have ’cause you’re very significant to me.”

She rolled her eyes, and I said “I’m gonna change that.” I spent the next five to six years working on that.

By the way, when the opportunity to be on the air came up, I couldn’t lead it, and I said to her, ‘Honey, if we take on this extra dimension of the ministry, I’m going to need help.’ I said ‘I would love to have you be the one who leads it. If you’d think about it… pray, and I’ll pray with you. But I have no one else better qualified than you to do that.’ 

Well, she took it. And for 44 years, she led Insight for Living.  All of our great ideas came from her. 

The whole way of doing cruises and tours and Israel trips and all the things we did, extra things, she was behind it. She came up with fresh ideas. She put together the core values of our ministry and how we would handle the staff and how we would handle our finances and how we would take care of each station and what our procedures would be. Time passed, and one day I’m in a group over here, and she’s not far away in a group she’s talking to. There’s a little lull in my group, and I hear her say, ‘Well, now that Chuck and I are partners, we do so-and-so. And we do such-and-such.’ And I hear the P-word, the P-word! Partner.

 And that afternoon, I’m in tears at lunch, and she says, “What is wrong?” And I said, “Nothing is wrong. Today you said it.” “What did I say?” “You called us partners.” And she goes, “Well, we are.” I said “Hit the replay button and go back about seven years.” 

Greg Laurie: Wow 

Chuck Swindoll:  She did. I said, “Remember?” She said, “I do.” She says, “It’s nothing like that now.” 

I wish I would not have kept her away. 

 Greg, there are so many people who long to help us do what we do. And we can be so independent. I’d be less independent. 

 I’d be quicker to say, “I need,” or, “Could you help?” Or, “Would you be a part of this?”

Or, “Would you lead this? Would you take over that?” Or, “I’m convinced you’d be better at this than I would be,”—and I would mean that… And I think the ministry would’ve just been on rollerblades rather than sometimes on skids trying to get going. ‘Cause I was trying to do too much myself.

Don’t Wait to Love Your Spouse

Chuck Swindoll:  Pray for Cynthia. She suffers with dementia. And slowly, I’m watching that beautiful mind fade.

I hold her in my arms every day. I caress her. I tell her what she means to me. We had such a marvelous, romantic marriage. And fun and travel, and so many of the things she came up with, and they worked out beautifully. And we were able, often, to take one or more of our kids—and when they were married, they came along, and it was, oh, it was so great.

So my advice to you: love Cathe. Tell her often how much. Set aside time for romance. Splurge a weekend or two, or a few weeks of the year, and do something really expensive, and really tell her, ‘It’s for you. This is for you. I can never, ever repay you, so this is for us to enjoy together.’ Because she may not always be exactly as she is today. And you will never forget those times. I’m so glad Cynthia and I did that.

Hear more of this conversation on The Greg Laurie Show.