Love Is Not Provoked

As a child I watched my mom get into fights with the latest husband she was married to, and I heard words that a child never should hear. I saw things that a child never should see. And quite honestly, it was traumatizing to me.

When a couple argues, it’s traumatizing to their children. Don’t do that to your kids. Get away from them if you and your spouse need to. Get alone, work on an issue, and reach some kind of resolution. But don’t allow it to go to that place. Love doesn’t do that.

The Bible tells us that love “is not provoked” (1 Corinthians 13:5 NKJV). Provoked means “to arouse to anger,” “a convulsion,” or “a sudden outburst.” If in your family, if in your marriage, you’ve started to scream at each other, then you have a problem. You should never do that. It should never get physical.

Let me say very clearly that never should there be hitting and striking and screaming and throwing things. You never want it to escalate to that. You need to deescalate it and get the volume down. Try to hear what the other person is saying. Get control of your emotions, and please, don’t fight in front of your children.

The Bible says, “Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:26 NLT). Don’t go to bed mad at each other.

I heard about a husband and wife who decided to put that verse into practice. They made up their minds they would never go to bed mad at each other. Thirty years later, someone asked the husband how it worked out.

“You know,” he said, “pretty well. But sometimes it was a little rough sitting up all night.”

Love is kind. It is not provoked.