The Problem with Self

Selfishness is the secret to an unhappy marriage. Too often two people enter into marriage saying, “I want my way.” The husband says, “You do what I say.” And the wife says, “I don’t want to do what you say.” Because of selfishness, their marriage is riddled with friction. It all comes down to self. Selfishness is the root of many unhappy marriages today.

There are even marriages dissolving because each partner is trying to “find themselves.” Listen, husbands and wives! If you want to find yourself, you need to lose yourself. Remember what Jesus said, “He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it” (Matthew 10:39).

If you want to find yourself and have a biblical marriage, here is the secret. Stop thinking about yourself and go into your marriage saying, “I want to love, please, and help my mate. I want to care about my spouse more than I care about myself.” This is biblical. Before Paul ever says in Ephesians 5:22, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord;” before he ever says in verse 25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,” Paul says in verse 21, “Submit one to another in the reverence of God.” That word submit means, “to place or arrange under” and contains a “component of voluntary submission.” Paul is saying to place voluntarily your needs under the needs of your spouse. Your spouse comes first.

If you will do this, here is the great secret. You will have your own needs met in time, because you will be in God’s order. And your spouse will be too.