With Those Who Weep (by Cathe Laurie)

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15 ESV).

I can’t begin to tell you how many celebrations I’ve attended.

Birthdays. Weddings. Graduations. Baby showers.

It’s such an honor to be a part of those moments! To get to share in the joy, hopeful anticipation, and gratitude (and not to mention all the snacks and goodies that are usually around!).  It’s a privilege to get to hug the loving couple, the mommy-to-be, the birthday person tightly and exclaim, “I’m SO happy for you!”

Celebrations are easy. Light. Fun!

Tragedies? Not so much.

The Difficulty of Walking with a Friend Through Hardship

When our friends face a tragedy—particularly one we haven’t personally experienced—it can sometimes feel like an awkward wall has formed between us and them. What do we say? How do we respond? What can we do to make it better?

Decades ago, we were the ones facing a tragedy. The instant we lost our son, Christopher, we were left to pick up the pieces and try to face an entirely different future than the one we’d planned. The shock was immense, and the pain was indescribable.

In those early days, only a few things really gave me comfort. Of course, standing on the Word of God and His promises helped me survive day to day. But on top of that, I surrounded myself with people who gave me permission to be sad.

How to Help a Loved One Facing Tragedy

They didn’t try to fix it. After all, there was no “fixing it.” When you’re facing tragedy, the only way out is through—through the grief, sorrow, disappointment, anger. These close friends gave me permission to come as I was—broken, hurting, sad—and just feel it all.

They gave me space to voice the “what-if” questions that plagued me, to release those fears the enemy threw at me in the middle of the night when I was worn out and exhausted. They prayed with me. Sat with me. Let me say the same things over and over again. They gave me sacred space to release the burden of grief.

Christians Are Called to Be There Through Highs and Lows

As friends and family, we are called to enter not only into the joys of life but also into its sorrows. We’re not just here for the cake and balloons!

As Romans 12:15 instructs us, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (ESV).

Do you notice that we are called to meet people in the emotion they are experiencing? Paul doesn’t say, “Make those who weep rejoice instead,” or “Make sure those who weep feel better.”

Weep with those who weep. Share their sorrow. Share their burden. Share their grief.

Don’t try to fix it. Most of the time, you can’t.

We all want to be there for the happy times, but the tragedies require our presence just as much. Sit with your friends, family, or spouse who are mourning. Allow them to process whatever they need to think or say. Give them that sacred space to come as they are and let it all out.

You might not feel like you’re doing anything, but trust me . . . for them, it’s everything.

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Cathe Laurie is the founder and director of the Virtue women’s ministry. She is also a featured speaker on The Virtue Podcast, at Harvest events, and the author of As I See It. You can find her weekly articles here on harvest.org.