Reconcilable Differences

If a couple is planning to get married and comes to see me for premarital counseling, I’ll ask them if they’ve had a disagreement yet.

Sometimes they’ll say, “No, we love each other so much. We never disagree.”

I’ll say, “Get out of here and go have a disagreement.” I say that because couples have to learn conflict resolution.

Never allow an argument to get physical. Never strike each other. Don’t throw things. Don’t even let it turn into a screaming match. Try to hear what the other person is saying. Listen to him or her. Then apply the key operative principle from Scripture: “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26 NKJV). In other words, don’t go to bed angry at each other. Get it resolved. Someone needs to take point toward a resolution, and I think husbands should be the ones to do it. We’re to love our wives as Christ loves the church (see Ephesians 5:25 NKJV).

One of the evidences of true conversion is love. Jesus said, “By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35 NKJV). And Romans 5:5 says, “The love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us” (NKJV). God promises us this supernatural love, so don’t say you can’t resolve your problems. And don’t claim you have irreconcilable differences.

Start by loving each other and take hold of the love that God has given you. Maybe in your mind she’s wrong and you’re right. Still seek to resolve the conflict. Sometimes what you’ll find is that she actually wasn’t wrong. Or you both were wrong. Get it resolved, and don’t let the sun go down on your anger.